Frustrated Together: The Importance of the Faith Community in The Midst of Grief

[In this new series, we'll explore why being a part of a community of faith is absolutely critical if we are to grieve faithfully as Christians.]

      One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is John 11, where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.  There are so many elements to enjoy here: the theology of the resurrection, the humanity of Jesus, the roller coaster ride of emotions, the triumph of Christ over death.  The whole chapter is, in essence, a microcosm of our struggle to reconcile the sovereignty of God with the reality of pain and suffering in the world.  Through his narrative, John helps us find answers to some pretty powerful questions.

      How does God react to our own grief?  

     What does it look like to grieve in the midst of holding on to faith? 

     What would God say if he were standing next to me at a funeral for one of my relatives?

     If you're not familiar with the story, here it is.  Mary and Martha's brother, Lazarus, falls deathly ill.  Being closely acquainted with Jesus, the two sisters call Jesus to their home.  Even though Jesus is just two miles away, he purposely waits several days before making the trip.  By the time he arrives, Lazarus has been in the tomb for four days already.  

Mary and Martha both question Jesus' tardiness in showing up, proclaiming both their faith in his power to save and their frustration at his choice not to.  Jesus follows them to the tomb, and when he sees the deep sorrow of the sisters and those who have gathered to comfort them, the Son of God weeps.  Then he turns his attention to the tomb, where He commands Lazarus to come forth, which he does in glorious resurrection.  All of this, Jesus has said, is for the glory of the Father and to strengthen the faith of his followers.

     Let's observe three important elements here:

    1.  The differing reactions of Mary and Martha.  Martha comes with an air of resolute faith, questioning Jesus' late arrival, proclaiming that He can surely heal her brother, and engaging in a discussion of the resurrection.  She is trying so hard to be faithful in her grief.  But Mary comes a mess of emotions and tears, able to only get out one statement- Lazarus is dead because Jesus was not there.  True, it is the same opening remark that her sister Martha made, but without the accompanying statement of faith after that fact.  Martha knows Jesus can still make things right; for Mary, time has gotten the better of Jesus, and her brother is gone because of it.

     2.  The role of the Jewish community.  Not unlike modern-day visitations and home gatherings, the community of faith has come together to remember, to grieve, to comfort, and, most  importantly, to be frustrated together.  To ask among themselves, "Could not this Jesus who healed blind people have also healed Lazarus?"  The ability to have a safe place to ask such a daring question is crucial if we are to grieve faithfully.  The whole narrative of loss, mourning, questioning, journeying to the tomb, and witnessing the resurrection of Lazarus is done in community!  These are not isolated incidents shared by a handful of believers- they are transformational events in the life of that Jewish community.

The ability to have a safe place to ask daring questions is crucial if we are to grieve faithfully.

    3.  The emotional reaction of Jesus. Jesus' emotional state is so telling because it reveals the very reaction of God to the suffering and pain in this world.  Most of us are familiar with the famous verse 35, "Jesus wept."  But just as important, and even more theologically loaded, are the almost identical statements in verses 33 and 38, where Jesus is "deeply moved in spirit, troubled."  The Greek word "embrimaomai" here communicates more than just grief or sadness, but more like frustration and indignation at the state of things.  The classical use of the word, though certainly not intended literally here, is the "snort" of horses when they are agitated!  Jesus is deeply moved, yes, but even more so he, too, is frustrated with the fallen state of things, with the presence of death and suffering, and with the toll it takes on those left behind.  

     In other words, Jesus shares in the frustration of the Jewish community.  Can you imagine how transformative it was for those followers to mourn alongside Jesus, to express frustration with death and loss and see it echoed in the face of the Son of God?  To realize that God's ability to conquer death does not keep Him from relating to us in our times of loss?  That God is not distant and removed from His children but is quite literally grieving in our midst, even as we await the resurrection He has promised us?

     The community of faith is what enables us to grieve faithfully because it gives us a safe place to be frustrated together.  With one hand we hold on to our faith that God is ever-present and working all things for good in His own way and time, and with the other hand we hold our very real and present doubts, questions, and emotions.  When we are able to do that not as isolated individuals, or even isolated family units, but within the context of fellow believers (and fellow sufferers!), we are one step closer to grieving faithfully, in a way that honors God while also honoring our hurt.